Everyone knows that the high ground is the most powerful force in the known galaxy. That’s why if you have it, then you become the most fearsome force, and your power is incontestable. And that is why that it’s awesome living on the top floor, because I really do feel like everyone is underneath me, and I am the king. Me and my cat Walnut, anyway. It’s pretty clear that Walnut is the head of me, as most cats are, so maybe he’s the king, and I’m the duke of the realm. It helps that there actually aren’t too many people living up here. Only half of the apartments here have people in them, probably because the lift doesn’t go up this far and all the old dears can’t be expected to get up this high. Most of the time I have the communal kitchen to myself as well, which is great because everywhere just got kitchen designers in, and now it’s nicer than my actual kitchen. Why would I use my own kitchen, when this one is so nice? This is what kitchen renovations are all about: using them for the good of all, and then them being used by only one person. Sure, there are only two hobs, but I can make do. And if they didn’t want people to USE the communal kitchens on each floor, then they shouldn’t have made them so nice with renovations and all that.

Come to think of it, the communal area that nobody uses is also much nicer than my own lounge. Once you descend into the building a little bit, it starts to get more crowded, but up here on the top floor, it’s all pretty dead. Heck, now that I think about it, they also said that they were going to renovate the public bathrooms…for some reason. I guess they’re really pushing hard on the whole ‘open to the public’ thing, and they have to do every floor. Even though I’m based in Melbourne, bathroom renovations are on top of my list. Hey, it’s up to them. But the way things are going, I’m just going to be living outside my apartment, because everything else is going to be renovated. I just want to live in a place that is better than what I’ve got.

-Lucas