Ugh, don’t you think it’s pathetic the kind of things adults get excited over? I swear, if the littlest things make me that happy when I’m that old, life has really gone down the drain. Like one time, my mum almost cried with happiness because my little brother had emptied the dishwasher. Honestly, pathetic.

At the moment, it’s mum’s new commercial office fitouts in Melbourne that have got her all in a tither. It’s a part of this big remodel they’re doing on the whole company, some to keep it fresh and young, as mum keeps reminding us. Obviously, since they’re hiring old quacks like her, how can they have a ‘young’ business model? That doesn’t make any sense. If you want to by ‘young’ hire young people. Geez.

Anyway, she just keeps gushing and gushing over how amazing it’s all going to look, with the vertical green plant wall and all the interesting ways they’re using natural lighting, and every time she raves about it, it always ends the same way. She tells us she’s going to have to take us in because we just have to see it.

Yeah right, like I wanna spend my spare time stuck in mum’s office with her fake-friendly colleagues. I can’t think of anything worse. I don’t care how state of the art the office fitout is, Melbourne has 101 and one things I’d rather do before step foot in there. But when I try and tell her all that, I get a sharp word from dad, who thinks he runs the freaking show, so I guess I’ll just have to suffer in silence. Business as usual then. But the whole thing is just so unbelievably pathetic and quintessentially suburban. I swear, if I’m that excited over something so freaking boring when I’m her age, shoot me.