I can’t believe what Mrs Anderson has been saying about me! She has been spreading rumours that I love Tinkerbell, my new tabby cat, more than all the other cats in my apartment. Why it’s preposterous, I tell you. I love all of my little fuzz balls equally. But now everybody in this apartment block believes that I choose favourites. It’s the scandal of the week, unfortunately.

Why I was down at a mechanic near Mornington this morning when I heard Mrs Beet and Miss Johnson talking about it. They didn’t know I was there, so I listened in with my high-powered hearing aid and heard the whole conversation. Apparently they’re thinking about kicking me out of my apartment because someone who chooses favourites of their cats isn’t a true cat lover. It broke my heart to hear. Why would Mrs Anderson tell people that I liked Tinkerbell more? She’s just nasty and horrible, that woman. Why, if I didn’t have more self-control, I’d be tempted to spread a nasty rumour about her in return.

Anyway, while I was getting great auto repairs around Mornington, I also saw the woman in question, Mrs Anderson. She was driving to the shops. Well, she wasn’t driving. She was letting one of her cats drive! How that’s even possible, I have no idea, but I saw it with my own eyes. Now, what kind of cat owner would let their precious angels do something so irresponsible? Why I think we should consider kicking her out of the apartment block for endangering the lives of those poor kittens. I’d be more than happy to adopt her pets when she leaves.

Now, you know that I can’t be making this up like the horrible rumour she started about me because I just said that I would only do that if I had less self-control. So obviously this is true, and we should all have a vote to kick Mrs Anderson out immediately.

– Mrs Cornwall